Stupid Golf Problems: Is it OK to bail on a round if the greens are aerated?
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In April, early-season, green aerification is just something we all suck up and deal with. Like biting down on a popsicle stick while someone removes a giant splinter from your foot. It’s a necessary evil this time of year, too, but now is when it’s extra gutting to hear. Or learn via email.
Why? For starters, it’s around this time where golf courses, particularly here in the northeast, are in peak condition. The leaves are beginning to change. There’s a crisp feeling in the air. The hoodies, vests and Q-zips in your closet begin staring at you like the Green Goblin mask. You’re shifting into soup mode like George Costanza.
You get your weekend morning round all planned. 58 degrees at 8:12 a.m. It’s going to warm up on the back nine, too! There’s going to be college football on in the clubhouse afterward. Is this heaven? No, it’s fall golf. Then, wham, the pro shop hits you with the crushing news. “We’ve just aerated, that’ll be $200, the same amount it would be if the greens weren’t aerated. Pay up, sucka.” That’s not verbatim, but it’s pretty close.
The thing is, in two weeks' time, the greens are going to be perfect again. That’s the whole point of aerating multiple times in one season. But you’ve got the pumpkin patch in two weeks. It’s apple-picking weekend. You’re stuck playing plinko today, and you’re already here. There is no turning back now.
The question is, if you learn the greens are aerated before arriving at the course, whether it’s the night before via your host or on Golfnow when somebody else booked the tee time but didn’t read the fine print, is it OK to bail on that round?
This topic, in general, is something we’ve covered ad nauseam here at Golf Digest. The idea of when is it OK or not OK to bail on a round. Somehow, I’m not sure we’ve ever specifically covered the aerification bail, which, to be frank, might be the biggest loser move there is in the bail-out game.
Family emergency? Absolutely. 100 percent chance of rain? I’ll listen. Last-minute invite to a far superior golf course? Fine, but myself and the rest of the group are going to let you hear about it for the rest of your life. Aerated greens? You simply need to get over yourself.
No one, myself included, is good enough at this sport to think some holes in the greens are going to stop us from shooting the course record. In fact, they might help some players. Not to mention the fact that the machinery they have now can often make the holes so microscopic that the difference is negligible. Yes, you’ll have your cases where they are crater-sized and sandy as hell and negatively affect the playing experience. But so what. You’re outside, you’re, ideally, with people you enjoy being with. There are far worse things happening in the world than your ball darting left at the cup due to an aeration hole.
Again, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sink the shoulders to hear the aerification news, especially at a top course. Maybe one you’ve planned a bucket-list round at. Just recently, I played with a woman who told me she took her family to Hawaii, and on their trip they booked a time at Kapalua. One of the iconic courses in professional golf. The course was aerated. “I could care LESS about that,” the woman told me. She was there with her kids. She enjoyed the views. It was still a once-in-a-lifetime experience she’ll never forget. The first time I played Pebble Beach, the greens were aerated. I remember at the time thinking it was absurd they were still charging full price. My memories of the round some 13 years later? Making a birdie on No. 7. High-fiving my dad. Somehow backing it up with a par on No. 8 right after. I actually forgot the greens were aerated that day until this woman’s Kapalua experience triggered my memory.
So no, it’s not OK to bail on a round because the greens are aerated. You show up and suffer together as a group. The course record would not have been in jeopardy regardless.
Do you have a "stupid" golf problem? A question you're too ashamed to ask your close friends? A conundrum that needs to be talked out in a public forum? We're here to help. If you have etiquette-related inquiries or just want to know how to handle some of the unique on- or off-course situations we all find ourselves in, please let us know. You can email me (chris.powers@wbd.com) or send me a DM on Twitter/X (@Cpowers14) or on Instagram (@cpthreeve).