Bunker shots are like snowflakes: No two are exactly alike. Also, like snowflakes, they're a lot more beautiful from a distance, and a lot less fun when you're buried in them up to your waist and you have to eat your best friend to stay alive.
Next time you're stuck in a bunker, why not try one of my simple yet effective techniques?
1. The Boomerang
This is when you hit a bunker shot, it fails to clear the lip, and the ball rolls back to the same spot where it started. Instead of erupting in rage, just look at your playing partner, wink, and whisper, "Boomerang." Then calmly hit the shot again and pretend the first one never happened.
2. The Oops I Used the Rake
You line up for a normal bunker shot, but you "accidentally" use the rake instead of your sand wedge and sort of "claw" or "drag" the ball out of the bunker and onto the green. Show me where in the rule book it says that's illegal. It's not a rake, it's an R-wedge.
3. The Snake Egg
You closely inspect your ball, then yell, "Ahhhh! Snake egg!" and throw the ball onto the green in a wild panic. You then "realize" it's not a snake egg after all and calmly sink the putt.
4. The Handy Shandy
This is where you've hidden a half-beer/half-lemonade next to the bunker to help numb the stress of getting your ball out.
5. The Shanghai Express
This is when you've swung and missed so many times that you've actually dug a hole through the center of the Earth and ended up in China. Give yourself a "6," then enjoy Guangzhou's breathtaking mix of modern nightlife and traditional cuisine.
6. Lip Service
Ever find yourself facing an impossibly high lip? Fear not. Simply position yourself below the lip, then flag down the drink-cart girl and get her to start driving toward you at full speed. Smartly, you disabled her brakes earlier in the day, allowing her to smash straight through the lip and into the bunker. Now you've got a clean shot plus an ice-cold beer. Everyone wins! (Except the golf cart and the bunker and the drink girl and the golf course in general.)
7. The Stinger
This is when you hit into a wasps' nest that you didn't realize was buried in the bunker and you get stung 14 times in three seconds.
8. The Honey
You're like, "Aw, shucks, I got stung by wasps, but at least I'll get to eat some of their delicious honey!" Then you realize wasps don't make honey. They only make more wasps.
9. The Hitler
This is when, like Hitler, you've been trapped inside a bunker for so long you decide to kill yourself.