Internet Invitational superlatives, Ep. 4: A pair of controversial penalties, an all-time pillow fight and a devious plot twist
With a four-hour fourth episode, the Internet Invitational now has a running time of more than 17 hours. You could watch the entire "Godfather" trilogy twice in the same amount of time. And yet, we're still left wanting more at the end of the latest installment.
Titled "The Twist of a Lifetime," Episode 4 provides a plot twist worthy of Francis Ford Coppola. Because just moments after half the remaining field had been eliminated (SPOILER ALERT!), Barstool capo Dave Portnoy announced he'd be sending four more golfers home. From the winning team. That night. Drama!
No one—in particular, those victorious White Team players who had already been celebrating their survival—saw it coming. And the episode ends with Grant Horvat about to strike the opening tee shot of the most devious playoff ever conceived. But while we eagerly await Monday's episode to see how that turns out, let's hand out some superlatives for what we just saw.
Most Likely To Inspire A "Horrible Bosses" Sequel
Portnoy is a content genius and he's made a lot of people a lot of money, but boy, does he seem like he'd be tough to work for. Last year he basically went around trying to hex Frankie Borrelli until he finally broke on the final hole. But now with Frankie out of the mix, he's honed in on a pair of Barstool personalities in Ryan Whitney and Sam "Riggs" Bozoian. First, he put Whitney in a difficult spot by having him matchup with Sabrina in singles, which Whitney called a "dirtbag" move:
To be fair to Portnoy, there were inevitably going to be some matchups like that (And kudos to Whitney for being one up with one to play when Portnoy called everybody back to the clubhouse), but Dave's grin says it all. And then, when things got heated between Riggs and Cheddy (More on that later), Portnoy made it very clear who he was rooting for:
With bosses like that, who needs enemies?
Biggest Rules Controversy
The soft-spoken Sam called out the brash Big John for him moving his ball (by accident) in the fairway as he setup to hit an approach shot. Big John didn't believe he had, but accepted the "hardo" penalty. The best video captured of the incident doesn't seem to show any wrongdoing:
Hmm. And the situation got weirder later in the match when Sam called a penalty on himself for doing the same thing on a chip shot. Big John, who has emerged as a star and hero in this event, didn't want him to take the penalty. And he didn't need it as he won the match easily. Hopefully, Big John didn't drink too much after the win because we want him to make it through the Team White playoff. Long live Big John.
Silliest Rules Controversy (Part I)
The opening singles match between Riggs and Cheddy had a bit of everything and got super intense from the get-go. Riggs wasn't happy with Cheddy not giving him two-footers and for not replacing the flagstick. But things got even chippier on the eighth hole when Riggs' cart partner, UFC lightweight champion Justin Gaethje, pointed out that Cheddy had moved his ball while marking it on the green. It became a whole big thing until Kevin Kisner was called in and said that's not a penalty. Duh.
Cheddy eventually knocked the par putt in and fired his ball into the water out of anger. Which leads us to . . .
Silliest Rules Controversy (Part II)
More Riggs and Cheddy! On the following hole, both sent there tee shots through the fairway and into the high stuff. Cheddy says he hit the ball so hard because he was still ticked off from the previous hole. But which ball did he hit?! Cheddy says he threw a Titleist into a pond on No. 8 and put a TaylorMade in play (Guess the one-ball rule isn't being enforced at the Internet Invitational!), but he didn't mark it and didn't even know the number.
By the way, this isn't silly in that it's an actual rules controversy. It's silly because anyone wouldn't know what golf ball they're playing—especially with millions of dollars on the line! "I’m a Cheddy guy, but that’s a problem,” Portnoy said. Moments later, Portnoy wasn't thrilled when Riggs tied the match, but he had to tip his cap.
Shot Of The Day
You gotta feel bad for Evan Thompson, who did everything in his power to help Team Green. That included beating YouTube Golf Golden Boy Grant Horvat in singles—and doing it in dramatic fashion, by hitting the flagstick on the par-5 18th (the ninth and final hole of the match) at Buffalo Ridge Golf Course with his second shot and eventually being conceded the winning eagle.
Impressive stuff for the former All-American linebacker at Kennesaw State University. He'll be back.
Shot Of The Day That Didn’t Really Matter
Just moments before Portnoy called the remaining matches back to the clubhouse because the team match had been decided, Bobby Ray delivered one of the most impressive shots ever hit by a low-handicapper.
The hulking golfer smashed a 6-iron from 250 yards to about 15 feet on the par-5 7th. Just an absolutely stunning display of power.
Funniest Shot Of The Day
Dave's got a point with that. I legit LOL'd when it wound up in the bunker. Even Michael Block thinks that's too much showmanship.
Best Short-Game Display
No. 18 at Buffalo Ridge produced not only the best drama, but the best golf of the session as well. Wesley Bryan's flop shot was insane. Not to be outdone, Ryan Ruffels had a chip to win, and almost holed it. Unfortunately, I can't find clips of either, so you'll just have to trust me this stuff happened. Anyway, neither player had their best stuff for the match, but they showed off some silky hands with those closing birdies to tie.
Biggest Pillow Fight
Portnoy did a great job setting up the singles matches—even if Whitney didn't like it—and that included matching up the weakest golfers left. Although, no one could really be matched up with The Duke, who needed nine shots to get off the teeing area on this hole and still wasn't sure about conceding the hole:
What a character. But back to the Biggest Pillow Fight, Jon Gruden and PFT Commenter both struggled. A lot. From the very first hole in which they halved with triple bogeys—"Solid sevens," PFT Commenter said—to their last hole, which was also halved with triples as Gruden earned another point for Team White. And you know what? It was still entertaining to watch.
Best Drunk Golfer
Things actually got tight in the team match and it looked like Team Green had a chance to pull off a Miracle at Medinah-type comeback at Big Cedar Lodge when Kyle Forgeard took a one-up lead over Salim Sirur with two holes to play. But Salim managed to win No. 17 then stumble down to the 18th tee box. "I am like 11 shots deep," he slurred. And for some reason, he was wearing rain pants in 100-degree heat—although they came in handy when he spilled a drink!
I wouldn't think that's the best strategy when you're playing for a potential $1.3 MILLION payout, but . . . maybe it is when you have a fleet of golf carts and cameras filming you play golf (Great breakdown of this mega production by Golf.com's James Colgan, by the way). Salim proceeded to hit three perfect shots in a row, make par and win (thanks to an all-time gag three-putt from Kyle) both the individual match and clinch Team White's win and he got a hero's ride off the 18th green on Gaethje's shoulders. But now Team White will be split up and fighting for their individual survival with these following four teams of four golfers:
Is it Monday yet? Until next time!