Golfers, generally speaking, are friendly. Sure, there are the outliers (have you seen some of these viral golf-course fights?), but by and large, we’re a cordial, supportive bunch. The problem is, sometimes you don’t want support on the course. Poor shots and bad breaks need to be treated as such, and a little woe-is-me time is required.
This is what makes playing with a glass-half-full optimist so difficult at times. They’re friendly and hopeful to a fault. Their encouraging comments aren’t inherently mean, yet when delivered at the wrong time, they can be infuriating. Whether intended or not, they’re passive aggressive. Here are the 30 most common that need to be expelled from golf’s vernacular. (Though we don't advise responding how we've written here, we know it's what you're thinking.)
I know it won’t. It’s five yards off the fairway.
Oh, really?
Thank you. I was worried we might play out of order.
And I’m sure I’m never playing with you again.
But … I was aiming there.
Cool?
I’m not answering that.
Thanks. I’d prefer if you stopped talking now.
No, it was a shan- … Actually, yes, it was a mud ball.
That makes me feel so much better.
And the line was … bad? I’m sorry my 40-footer finished three-feet right of the hole.
And these comments are so like you.
Yeah, I know it will.
Simmer down, it’s just fine.
Thank you for reminding me my birdie was preceded by a triple.
I don’t know, what’s it to you?
And what if I don’t?
No, it’s actually perfectly fine.
Just what I was thinking. I’m so glad I missed the putt … on the proper side.
Thanks Dave Stockton.
Well, now you have.
Why do you say the things that you say?
It was a standard 20-yard pitch?
Heads up, Dottie. Someone’s coming for your job.
The chip was still chunked. I don’t feel any better.
The sand is fine, I just thinned the shot, OK? Is that what you wanted to hear?
Don’t you have better things to be worrying about?
Really? Because I’ve seen you in that exact spot a dozen times before.
I drive it 50 by you. We play a different game.
Have you ever heard of a bump-and-run?
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