Geico Super Spreader Bowl
January 12, 2021

The only thing more impressive than Alabama hanging 52 on Ohio State is the score COVID-19 is about to run up on Tuscaloosa

To the surprise of absolutely no one, on Monday night Alabama took Ohio State out behind the woodshed and whooped ‘em. Heisman Trophy-winner DeVonta Smith logged 12 catches, 215 yards, and three touchdowns IN THE FIRST HALF. Mac Jones set a new National Championship passing record, throwing for 464 yards and five touchdowns while completing 80% of his passes. In the end, the Crimson Tide hung a 50-spot (plus two singles) on Ohio State, claiming their 6th national title of the Saban era in the process. And yet the biggest victory of all didn’t belong to Saban and the boys, but instead a fellow Power Five program known as COVID-19, which could be seen running up the score on little old Tuscaloosa after the game.

Yeeeeikes. Sorry, grandma. Go pound sand, gramps. When the Tide roll, Alabama rolls tide. Nevermind the fact that it’s the school’s 18th National Championship, nor the 6th in most of these kids’ young (and potentially short) lifetimes. It apparently means just as much to Alabama fans as 2016 did to Chicago and 2020 did to the Kansas City, because they’re willing not only to die for it, but kill a couple of other people too. That, folks, is true dedication (and by dedication we of course mean stupidity.)

If this all sounds a bit harsh, that’s because it is. Would Columbus have been doing the same exact thing had the Buckeyes won? You betcha. Are we all sick of not being able to take off our pants and scale a traffic light on a frosty night in the middle of January? Hell yeah we are. Unfortunately being sick of it is a luxury we don’t get to have right now. At least not for another couple months. So when you see something like this for something like that (Alabama fans had to wait three whole, excruciating years since their last National Championship, poor babies) you can’t help but point to the scoreboard: COVID - 60, Alabama - 13.

Something tells us Saban won’t be happy with that defensive performance . . .