Bike Safety 101

Tour de France serves up friendly reminder not to ride 40 miles on a busted knee cap

July 25, 2018

Hey kids! Welcome to Bike Safety 101! Today we begin with descents. When traveling downhill at high speeds, always remember to brake before cornering and utilize an out-in-out apex. If you fail to apply the proper amount of breaking or dive to the inside of the turn too soon, you may be spit over a rock wall and into a ravine before you time to say goodbye to your loved ones. Allow professional cyclist and 2018 Tour de France competitor Philippe Gilbert to demonstrate:

In the event that you are thrown over the handlebars and into a bottomless maw of pain, try to remain calm. There is still plenty you can do to mitigate the damage. First, once you regain consciousness, self-diagnose any injured area before attempting to move. If the bone is sticking out of your skin, do not look at it. I SAID DON'T LOOK AT IT. Second, alert on-site medical personnel of any potential injury you may have sustained. If there are no medical professionals present, let your screams reverberate off the canyon walls. You are well and truly alone.

Finally, once you have crawled to the road hours later, smeared with dirt and tears, do not attempt to ride nearly 40 miles on a broken knee cap (unless the sun is going down and the temperature is dropping, in which case ride like hell). Again, please allow Mr. Gilbert to demonstrate:

And there's the bell. Remember that next week is the midterm, including an essay question on what do to when being dragged beneath a moving vehicle by your helmet strap. Have a good weekend, everyone!

MORE FROM THE LOOP