By Alex Myers
Welcome to another edition of The Grind, where we'd like nothing more than to see a professional golfer in one of those Beats by Dre ads. You know, the ones with that "I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man," song. Picture Zach Johnson pulling up to posh country club in his courtesy Lexus amid just a smattering of applause from some "rowdy" golf fans looking for an autograph -- you know, really tough conditions. OK, so maybe those commercials don't work as well with golf. Regardless, Johnson continued his hot play, but only one PGA Tour player could call himself "The Man" last week. We'll start there.
Patrick Reed: If you thought you were seeing a typo on the Humana Challenge leader board last weekend, you weren't alone. Golfers, even pro golfers, aren't supposed to shoot three consecutive 63s. In fact, it's never been done before on the PGA Tour, as Reed, 23, set a record by being 27 under thru 54 holes. He came back to Earth on Sunday, but his 71 still gave him a two-shot win and a second tour title. Ryan Palmer finished second and the aforementioned Johnson shot a final-round 62 to finish T-3 with Justin Leonard. But back to Reed. The victory means Rory McIlroy and Harris English are the only other current players with multiple PGA Tour wins before turning 25. After the win, Reed pulled out of this week's tournament with displaced ribs -- probably from laughing at the fact he was 27 under thru 54 holes.
"I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man."
Karain family caddies: Reed's wife, Justine, is usually Reed's caddie, but she's taking time off since she's pregnant. In her place, Kessler Karain, Justine's brother, was on the bag this week. Are there any other siblings? If Steve Williams is actually contemplating walking away from his dream gig, Adam Scott might need a replacement soon.
Ridiculously low scoring: At least, for one week out of the year. You had to be 20 under to be in the top 15. Twenty under! Seriously, that was fun, but let's take the scoring setting back off "video-game mode" for this week.
Paulina Gretzky's TaylorMade commercial: Gretzky took to Instagram to announce she'll be in an upcoming ad for the equipment company. Here's the picture:
Apparently, she's part of the "speed police" in the commercial. What is the "speed police"?! How will this all play out?! When will we be able to see it?! We're not sure we can handle the suspense.
Critical penalties: Both Phil Mickelson and Rory McIlroy were docked strokes, which proved especially costly when both finished one shot behind winner Pablo Larrazabal in Abu Dhabi. McIlroy's two-shot penalty for not taking a proper drop was just careless. Phil's one-shot penalty for a double hit while taking a right-handed swing was just, well, very Mickelsonian.
Holly Sonders' Day 1 playing partners: Sonders hit some nice shots in the pro-am, but John Daly nor Jesper Parnevik didn't help her out, as neither broke par in the first round. At the Humana Challenge. Then again, they probably were just a little distracted. . . Hmm. Maybe the PGA Tour should have paired her with Patrick Reed on Sunday to give the rest of the field a chance.
Gary Player: Hey, Gary! You're making us all look bad! Of course, we're kidding. Sort of. Player, one of the Humana's hosts last week, is the man, but seriously, how does he have so much energy at 78? Oh right, exercise daily, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah. Who has discipline for all that? Just give us your fitness secret shortcut already.
The PGA Tour heads to Torrey Pines for the Farmers Insurance Open, aka "Opening Day" for Tiger Woods and the casual golf fan. It's also in San Diego, aka the location where the greatest comedy ever, "Anchorman," takes place. Unfortunately, the recently-released "Anchorman 2" isn't the second-greatest comedy ever, but its creation did lead to Will Ferrell, in character as Ron Burgundy, trying out a golf simulator.
Random tournament fact: A Woods win this week would give him nine at Torrey Pines, breaking the PGA Tour record for most wins on one course. Right now, it's a three-way tie at eight wins: Tiger Woods (Torrey Pines), Tiger Woods (Bay Hill), and Tiger Woods (Firestone). In the words of Mr. Burgundy, "Don't act like you're not impressed."
THIS WEEK IN DUSTIN JOHNSON-PAULINA GRETZKY PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION
Look at the color-coordinated outfits!
PHOTO OF THE WEEK (NON-PAULINA GRETZKY CATEGORY)
Matt Kuchar and Parker McLachlin swimming with a 25-foot whale shark? When in ~~Rome ~~Hawaii. . .
RANDOM PROP BETS OF THE WEEK
-- Fellow Stanford product Tiger Woods will pull a Richard Sherman and angrily scream, "Well, I'm the best golfer in the game!" when asked to explain another win at Torrey Pines after the final round: 1 Million-to-1 odds
-- Ron Burgundy will make a cameo in the CBS TV booth: Even odds (Have you seen how many promotional appearances Will Ferrell has made for this movie?)
-- Phil Mickelson will try another right-handed shot in his career: LOCK
VIRAL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
No one gives a better reaction to holing out a shot than Ken Duke. No one. This dance wasn't as good as the one he did a couples years back at Pebble Beach, but it was still solid.
LAME VIRAL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Four European Tour stars engaging in a "Formula 1" race? This sounded cool. Until you realize they raced separately. And in golf carts.
Bernhard Langer won the Champions Tour season opener in Hawaii, ending a long string of top 10s without a win. He might be the one guy who will be more in shape than Gary Player when he's 78. . . . In SI Golf Plus' anonymous PGA Tour player poll, 54 percent said Tiger Woods won't break Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 majors. Of course, that number would be a lot lower if the poll wasn't anonymous. . . . That's a picture (above) of a beautifully-framed picture of Old Head Golf Links in Ireland. But apparently, my boss's wife didn't find it as beautiful. . . so back to the office it went! Dagger.
RANDOM QUESTIONS TO PONDER
Does Patrick Reed always wear red?
Why did they make "Anchorman 2" so long?
How is Holly Sonders not better than a 7 handicap?