The Digest: Thanksgiving Edition
BLACK FRIDAY
GOLF-SHOP SUGGESTIONS
Streeter Lecka
Two-for-one ball markers
“Body by Phil” fitness DVDs
12-pack of Martin Kaymer “buffs”
Refurbished golf socks
Leopard-print iron headcovers
Brooks Koepka's "Off-white" Nikes
GOLF-THEMED TIEBREAKERS FOR POLITICAL CANDIDATES YOU DON’T KNOW SO WELL
Staunch proponent of penalties for slow play
Firm believer in abolishing breakfast balls
Refers to playing preferred lies as “lift, clean and cheat”
Opposed to anchoring since 1985
Mandatory suspensions for all unrepaired ball marks
THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR IN 2019
Andrew Redington
▶ A strong PGA Tour rookie class
▶ Royal Portrush being back in the Open rota
▶ Mickelson’s “Phireside with Phil” chats
▶ A Solheim Cup decided by the last putt
▶ Tiger Woods winning the Masters
WHAT YOUR FAVE 2019 POP HITS SAY ABOUT YOUR GAME
Talaj
Truth Hurts • Lizzo
Still telling people you’re a 5-handicap but can’t break 85
You Need to Calm Down • Taylor Swift
Having anger-management issues
Circles • Post Malone
You’re a birdie machine
I Don’t Care • Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran
Playing so bad you’ve lost interest
Money in the Grave • Drake
Lost every money match to your buddies
How Do You Sleep? • Sam Smith
Sandbagging your opponents all season
Hey, Look Ma, I Made It • Panic! at the Disco
Beat your best score
Bad Bad Bad • Young Thug
Can’t break 100
5 HACKS TO KEEP YOURSELF WARM ON COLD DAYS
Craig Easton
1 Take a light jog from shot to shot
2 Do 10 jumping jacks for every practice swing your partners take
3 Only play from areas where the sun is shining
4 Walk backward if the wind is in your face
5 Three words: hand warmers. Duh.
WHAT TOUR PLAYERS MIGHT BRING TO THANKSGIVING
Ariel Skelley
BRYSON DECHAMBEAU
▶ Slow-cooked ribs
PATRICK REED
▶ Apple pie
PHIL MICKELSON
▶ Gluten-free stuffing
TIGER WOODS
▶ Goat cheese
MATT KUCHAR
▶ Can of $1.59 cranberry sauce
BROOKS KOEPKA
▶ Hates Thanksgiving, still makes the world's best turkey
ZACH JOHNSON
▶ Creamed corn
BOO WEEKLEY
▶ 30 Natty Lights
THANKSGIVING CONVERSATION DEFLECTIONS
Library of Congress
Steer your Thanksgiving dinner clear of trouble by pivoting to golf
“This election is crazy.”
▶ “All I know is I’m definitely voting against that proposed new front bunker on 12. It’s lunacy.”
“Perhaps it’s time you settle down.”
▶ “Speaking of settling down, I love the feel of these new tour balls. What spin!”
“Your father and I think you need to make a change.”
▶ “I agree, and that’s why I’m moving to left-hand low.”
“Health-care reform is so complicated.”
▶ “It can’t be more complicated than the new FedEx Cup scoring system. I’m totally lost!”
“This country has lost sight of its social values!”
▶ “That Phil Mickelson sure is a delight on social media!”