The Digest: Thanksgiving Edition

BLACK FRIDAY

GOLF-SHOP SUGGESTIONS

Two-for-one ball markers

“Body by Phil” fitness DVDs

12-pack of Martin Kaymer “buffs”

Refurbished golf socks

Leopard-print iron headcovers

Brooks Koepka's "Off-white" Nikes

GOLF-THEMED TIEBREAKERS FOR POLITICAL CANDIDATES YOU DON’T KNOW SO WELL

Staunch proponent of penalties for slow play

Firm believer in abolishing breakfast balls

Refers to playing preferred lies as “lift, clean and cheat”

Opposed to anchoring since 1985

Mandatory suspensions for all unrepaired ball marks

THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR IN 2019

▶ A strong PGA Tour rookie class

▶ Royal Portrush being back in the Open rota

▶ Mickelson’s “Phireside with Phil” chats

▶ A Solheim Cup decided by the last putt

▶ Tiger Woods winning the Masters

WHAT YOUR FAVE 2019 POP HITS SAY ABOUT YOUR GAME

Truth Hurts • Lizzo

Still telling people you’re a 5-handicap but can’t break 85

You Need to Calm Down • Taylor Swift

Having anger-management issues

Circles • Post Malone

You’re a birdie machine

I Don’t Care • Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran

Playing so bad you’ve lost interest

Money in the Grave • Drake

Lost every money match to your buddies

How Do You Sleep? • Sam Smith

Sandbagging your opponents all season

Hey, Look Ma, I Made It • Panic! at the Disco

Beat your best score

Bad Bad Bad • Young Thug

Can’t break 100

5 HACKS TO KEEP YOURSELF WARM ON COLD DAYS

1 Take a light jog from shot to shot

2 Do 10 jumping jacks for every practice swing your partners take

3 Only play from areas where the sun is shining

4 Walk backward if the wind is in your face

5 Three words: hand warmers. Duh.

WHAT TOUR PLAYERS MIGHT BRING TO THANKSGIVING

BRYSON DECHAMBEAU

▶ Slow-cooked ribs

PATRICK REED

▶ Apple pie

PHIL MICKELSON

▶ Gluten-free stuffing

TIGER WOODS

▶ Goat cheese

MATT KUCHAR

▶ Can of $1.59 cranberry sauce

BROOKS KOEPKA

▶ Hates Thanksgiving, still makes the world's best turkey

ZACH JOHNSON

▶ Creamed corn

BOO WEEKLEY

▶ 30 Natty Lights

THANKSGIVING CONVERSATION DEFLECTIONS

Steer your Thanksgiving dinner clear of trouble by pivoting to golf

“This election is crazy.”

▶ “All I know is I’m definitely voting against that proposed new front bunker on 12. It’s lunacy.”

“Perhaps it’s time you settle down.”

▶ “Speaking of settling down, I love the feel of these new tour balls. What spin!”

“Your father and I think you need to make a change.”

▶ “I agree, and that’s why I’m moving to left-hand low.”

“Health-care reform is so complicated.”

▶ “It can’t be more complicated than the new FedEx Cup scoring system. I’m totally lost!”

“This country has lost sight of its social values!”

▶ “That Phil Mickelson sure is a delight on social media!”