The Bachelorette Recap: His and Her takes on the opening episode of Season 22

May 23, 2017

There’s no shame in watching “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette.” Guys and girls are both guilty of enjoying the sometimes trashy, always gushy reality TV show on ABC. When there are fantasy leagues on something, you know it's yuuuuge.

Instead of breaking down “The Bachelorette" the same way other sites do, we decided to look at it from the point/counterpoint, or his/her perspective of Loop staffers Keely Levins and Steve Hennessey.

First of all, the center of attention: The star this season is Rachel Lindsay, the show’s first African-American bachelorette. Rachel is a 31-year-old attorney from Dallas, Texas -- who seemed really likable when we met her on last season's "The Bachelor." What do we think about her?

His Take, SH: I couldn’t be happier for Rachel. This crazy show brings on boatloads of insane characters. Rachel seems like a genuinely normal functioning human. She has a nice job. She seems like a smart person. And yet she still made her way onto this show, so there's gotta be something entertaining to come. Thankfully for us, Rachel avoided Nick Viall from the last season and emerged with her own show.

Her Take, KL: It's awesome she's a lawyer, but those fake trial scenes were brutally staged. I wonder what state her law career is in after filming two seasons of "The Bachelor." But in all honesty, I liked Rachel on Nick's season. She seems honest and fun, smart and she's super down for this whole process, so that's important.

His Take: I did feel bad for Rachel the way that ABC awkwardly announced that she was the next Bachelorette. Way different than how it normally happens, Rachel wasn't kicked off the show for another two episodes even though we all knew she'd be kicked off eventually. She deserves her own spot.

Her Take: I also like that The Bachelor has finally put someone who’s not white in the lead role. It's been a long time coming.

His Take: Yeah, usually these shows have two or three minority contestants, which is ridiculous. We finally have a group with guys of all different ethnicities this season.

The first episode is often a must-see for the opening entrances. People make bizarre first impressions, and they'll try anything. Here's what stood out from Monday.

bachelorette steve-urkel.jpg

Her Take: If there’s one thing we learned about Rachel is that she’s a good sport. Dealing with that WHABOOM guy (more on that later), you’ve got to have some patience, a good sense of humor, and maybe a little buzz. She had all of it.

Her Take: Oh, and how about Josiah? This guy's a front runner, right? The producers played that upbeat music when he walked out of the car. Obviously, his past is very intense. His intro included the story about him finding his brother in his back yard after having committed suicide. So heartbreaking. The turn his own life took after that, and his subsequent interest in the law -- you can't help but root for him.

His Take: Yeah, he got one of the longest intros to start a season than anyone can remember. That'd just be heartless to send him home early after that. Josiah also had some fire entry lines to play off he and Rachel both being lawyers. And he really overplayed it. He has “no reasonable doubt” they belong together. And the closer: “I’ll see you later, litigator.” * cringe *

Her Take: I do have an issue with the whole lawyer dating a lawyer thing. There's only room for one expert arguer in each relationship. But "See you later, litigator" is LOL, and you know it.

His Take: I guess I'll give you that. But way less lame and way more entertaining is Kenny the Professional wrestler. He's the kinda guy who's gonna get friend-zoned at some point by Rachel, and we're gonna love it.

Her Take: Oh yeah, you can see this ending really poorly for Kenny.

His Take: The funny guy with little game never does well. He has a 10-year-old daughter nearby, too... Kenny's gonna be tough to predict.

Her Take: This guy DeMario is coming out so hot. He was one of the guys who Rachel met at the "After the Final Rose" at the end of Nick's season. He's inviting people to their wedding already? Nobody who calls their shot that early ever works out.

His Take: That's aggressive -- not as aggressive as "First Blake." Talking about your penis in your first five-second introduction to the world?

Her Take: Please make it stop.

His Take: Now he's coming out with a full drummer band in his first meeting with Rachel. Really?

Her Take: This guy has already lost me. It's like he's trying to be the next Chad. His soliloquy about how much sex he has and then an over-the-top entrance? I'm over it.

His Take: It's one thing to plan out these elaborate things -- we'll see if he has actual game.

Her Take: My general thought process on these aggressive introductions is that anyone who has to go all out right away is a total try-hard. Introductions aren't where champions are crowned in this game. You've got to come in, crack a joke, make her laugh, and tell her you're excited to chat with her later. Boom. Simple and effective.

His Take: THE TICKLE MONSTER, exit stage left. And then he tickled a guy inside?

Her Take: NO JOHNATHAN that is not OK. You cannot start tickling people for no reason.

His Take: Guitar Player Lee: Such an unfair advantage playing the guitar. It'll always be the guaranteed way to win a girl's heart. Makes all of us non-musically talented guys feel like we have no chance.

Her Take: I don't think that's worked on me. Nope, no it hasn't.

Here's what happened at the cocktail hour/first-impressions.

His Take: Bryan, 37, a chiropractor. On paper, there’s nothing interesting-sounding about that at all. But when you come out the gates talking Spanish, introducing Rachel to him being Colombian, and then go in for the kiss within the first two minutes of them talking at the cocktail hour? That’s a recipe for making it far in this show. The leader in the clubhouse is the older chiropractor? There’s hope for everyone in this world . . .

Her Take: I actually love that he's 37. The last few seasons it felt like everyone was 23. Bryan might bring that maturity this beautiful franchise needs.

Her Take: OK, next we have Fred who came in carrying Rachel's 8th grade photo. Kinda cute, but also a little weird? Rachel said she remembers him being a bad kid and that she used to have to reprimand him? No thanks. Too weird, too much baggage.

His Take: This show attracts every type of lunatic. But I don't know if we've seen anything like Whaboom guy. He'll be the most-talked about guy on this season for sure.

We'll let Chris Harrison describe the Whaboom enigma.

And then Jimmy Fallon, from Lucas (that's his actual name, not Whaboom):

I can't figure this guy out. But I'm more in the funny camp so far. It's harmless fun right now -- despite appearing like he's on a combination of bath salts and Redbull and vodkas. Don't try that at home.

SPOILER ALERTS BELOW HERE: Here were the biggest takeaways from who was sent home after Day 1.

His Take: A grown man cried. Milton knew Rachel for nine hours. Like, nine hours, max. Nine -- and he's moved to tears. That's how you end up on a reality TV show.

Her Take: Poor Milton. He never had a chance. You’re not going to make it past one round if you growl more than once during the first episode. Everyone knows that. People who’ve never seen the show before know that. Go home, think about what you’ve done, shake it off, and stop growling.

Her Take: Blake No. 2 the former marine is gone?! What?! I was watching this with four girls and everyone was so upset he got sent home, they asked for a new show to be started: Sloppy Seconds where the viewers get to date all the guys who get voted off. Specifically Blake K. Chris Harrison, if you're reading, which I'm sure you are, think about it.

His Take: Whaboom is going to be the star of this show. If the producers force Rachel to keep him around long. To be fair, he's the only interesting storyline for me after the first episode.

Her Take: Trying to date this guy would be a nightmare. One hundred percent a producers pick.

His Take: This guy is out of his mind -- making half the people laugh, and half the people ready to kick his ass. Buckle up, let's see how far this Whaboom ride goes.

And here are our predictions for who will go far, and who won't, this season:

Her Take: Rachel's intrigued by DeMario, and Bryan obviously made a good impression. Those two are going to make it through the next few weeks. Then again, they could be voted off next week. I can't wait to see which guy has the girlfriend at home, which was teased in the preview.

His Take: I'm surprised Diggy didn't get more air time. His suit game, with the glasses, were on point. I have a feeling he might be a sneaky pick. I don't get the whole Jack Stone thing? Why the full name? He's the only contestant in recent memory to have his full name listed. It must be to promote his attorney practice. I'm not sure how they manage to find these people . . .