American Heroes

Texas Robin Hood steals five cases of Bud Light WITH HIS BARE HANDS

October 18, 2018

Here at The Loop, we are reasonably anti-crime. Pull your weight in society. Obey the important laws. Bend the dumb ones. Be a good a person, and we are all chill. But when we saw this photo of a Texas man in a Larry the Cable Guy cut-off mean-mugging a security camera while swiping five cases of Bud Light from a local convenience store, we couldn't help but stand up and cheer like it was Forrest Freakin' Gump:

Now we don't know much more about this story than what you see here. We don't know if the man made a getaway by foot, pickup truck, or passing boxcar headed west. We don't know if he redistributed the beer wealth to his comrades-in-arms. We don't know if he is actually Warren Sapp or just looks absolutely identical to him. What we do know, however, is that this the greatest photo to appear on the internet all year. Just behold the tenacity...

Just witness the technique...

This is better than Zoolander mug shot guy and this Aussie hero sabotaging speed traps while wearing a beer box as a mask combined, and if Bud Light doesn't immediately axe that damn autumnal mead commercial and roll this guy out as the face their new national TV campaign, then I'm drinking Coors from here on in. Anyway, if you see this man, DO NOT contact authorities.

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