Slow Play, cont'd

We look forward to letters from our friend Dave Riffey in Shell Lake, Wisconsin, Bret Favre's retirement has folks feeling ornery. This week Dave takes on a favorite topic of ours. (We retain Dave's capitalization for emotional impact):

I find it quite sickening that the Prima Donnas on the tour can't figure out... HOW TO PLAY FASTER! When interviewed, they talk about longer courses, tougher courses, and not enough PGA officials. These are all true. My question is, why do you have to talk to your caddie like he is your prom date... The caddies job is to GIVE YOU THE YARDAGE AND THE WIND, IF ANY..... you are the one who should select the club. That can't be that hard. They know actly how far they hit each club. What more do they need. >

HIT THE DAMN BALL !!!!>

Then, THEY GET TO THE GREEN...CIRCLING LIKE A VULTURES......THEY ASK THE CADDIE TO LOOK.....HE SQUATS, SHAKES HIS HEAD..WALKS HALF WAY...LOOKS BACK....PUTS HIS HAND ON HIS CHIN....THEN THE PLAYER SQUATS...WALKS AROUND...>

PUTT ALREADY !!>

SOLUTION TO THIS WHOLE DEAL :>

Dave, we welcome a round with you. With the hours we have left over, we'll buy you the beer and a brat or two. Thanks!

--Bob Carney