Sweet Embrace

MASSIVE NEWS: Roger Goodell will be able to hug the players at this year's NFL Draft


Jonathan Daniel

Ladies and gentlemen of the red, white,and blue. Proud patriots. Huddled masses. We have great and triumphant news:

For months experts have wondered if COVID-19 could ever be defeated, and today we got our answer. It is done, cut down in single combat by the mighty Roger Goodell, who stands before us now a god, ready to hug your favorite college football player at the 2021 NFL Draft until they go blue in the face and their eyes bulge for their sockets. Rejoice and give thanks, for his embrace welcomes only the penitent.

As for The Chosen Ones our newly vaxxed champion will be hugging next Thursday, we now know their names as well.

Now be like the commish and go get vaccinated. Then maybe you’ll get hugs too.