Overheard in the gallery at the Par 3 Contest at Augusta National

April 09, 2014

AUGUSTA, GA. -- *Welcome to Augusta National, where cute kids and cute girlfriends caddied for the Masters-bound competitors in the annual Par 3 Contest. A complete Masters experience involves eavesdropping on spectator chatter. Below, some of the odd exchanges we overheard in the gallery during the Par 3 Contest.


One slightly heavier guy, to his group of buddies: "They're not the most comfortable things in the world. Let's just put it this way: you've gotta have a skinny ass to fit into this chair."

One blonde girl, to another blonde girl: "Allison and I are smart, we made it all the way here from the 17th hole. We're not just pretty arm candy."

Guy, in a southern twang: "I seen practice round tickets on the eBay for 750 hundies. Who in 'der RIGHT mind..."

Guy, after his wife started jumping up and down: "How many beers have you had, and what in God's name are you doin'?"

Guy, while stroking the grass: "This is real grass." He was amazed.

Guy, to Masters guard: "Is it illegal to ask players for their autograph while they're walking down this fairway?" Guard: "Yes, and there's no way they're gonna stop for you." Guy, whispering to his group of buddies: "You hit him low, and I'll hit him high. Let's knock him out."

Guy, to friend who was ready to throw away his plastic Masters beer cup: "You gonna throw those out?" "Yea." "Gimme those, you FOOL."

Woman, to guy standing next to her: "Webb Simpson is making his pregnant wife carry his clubs? Pig."

Guy, to Luke Donald's daughter: "Hi Sofia, have fun." Girl next to guy: "That's weird that you know her name."

Guy, who had just snapped a photo of another guy: "Oh my god, you just got photobombed by Freddie Couples."

Dad, to son who decided to lie down: "Never EVER lie down like that for the rest of the day, or else they'll kick us both outta here."

Guy drops his pairings sheet and it lands into a bush that is inside the ropes: "Now I'm torn between cleaning up my mess or stepping over my boundaries." His friend: "Either way, you're headed out of here no matter what you decide."

Older gentleman to his friend:  "Them beauties are out today." His friend: "Don't you worry. The scenery only gets better as the week goes on."