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Kevin Pillar hit two dingers with a bat covered in his own blood, is now the number-one guy in baseball you don’t **** with

June 10, 2021

On Monday, May 17th, New York Mets center fielder Kevin Pillar took a 94-mph fastball straight straight to the schnoz, right to kisser, however they say it Queens. He went down hard. He started spurting blood like a west Texas oil geyser. All of Truist Park went quieter than a high school algebra exam. But then, miraculously, Pillar popped up and walked off under his own power. Less than 24 hours later, he held a lengthy press conference, answering questions while looking like he went 12 rounds with George Foreman if George Foreman had grizzly bear paws instead of hands. “I feel good,” he told reporters.

It was then that we knew Pillar was the toughest guy in the majors.

Since then, Pillar has worked his way back into the Mets starting lineup, undeterred by the armchair gladiators who criticized the temporary face mask designed to protect his badly broken nose. On Wednesday, he finally got a chance to shove their words back down their throats bloated potato chip vacuums and he did not miss, crushing two homers in a 14-1 rout of the Orioles with the same blood-covered bat he was using when hit by that fateful fastball. THIS IS F—ING SPARTA.

We don’t care what this guy does going forward. He could bat flip every single and stare down every home run like an eclipse. He could date your sister and insult your mom. Hell, he could date your mom. If you value your life, you just do not throw at this dude. If he crowds the plate and trots with the same speed your grandpa walks 18, you just say please and thank you very much, SIR. You might be tough. You might do kettlebell crunches and change the oil in your own car, but under absolutely no circumstances do you pick a fight with a guy who is swinging a bat covered in HIS OWN blood. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

That’s today’s lesson and it’s a simple one. Now go rub some dirt on it—whatever "it" happens to be—and get back out there.