June 25, 2007

Why the ladies have it over the old guys

Columns

Today I give you 40 reasons the LPGA Tour will be more fun to watch this year than the seniors, not that the seniors have ever been fun to watch by anyone other than a hip surgeon:

  1. The seniors don't have a Michelle.

  2. Or a Paula.

  3. Or a Natalie.

  4. Or a Cristie.

  5. Not to mention a Morgan or a Brittany.

  6. All of whom would look better in a swimsuit than Craig Stadler.

  7. And the seniors certainly don't have an Annika,

  8. like a basic immortal

  9. to keep chasing the records of Mickey and Kathy.

  10. Not to mention Babe.

What's more ...

  1. You'll rarely see a woman or a young girl on the LPGA Tour try to hit a 3-wood with a cigar in her mouth.

  2. The LPGA can often entertain fans with a brain-teasing leaderboard that reads:

  3. Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim and Kim.

  4. The seniors can only give you a leaderboard that says:

  5. Does

  6. this

  7. look

  8. at

  9. all

  10. interesting =

  11. to

  12. you,

  13. or

  14. does

  15. it

  16. seem

  17. more

  18. boring

  19. than

  20. health

  21. food?

__In addition ... 32. The LPGA has major championships, and the seniors have, oh, "What do you mean you don't remember me? I was once paired with Arnold Palmer in Houston."

__

  1. The LPGA even has galleries occasionally.

  2. The LPGA makes you tingle with excitement over the prospect of Norway's Suzann Pettersen dropping another four-letter word on live network television.

  3. The LPGA can produce a Nancy Lopez to show men how to captain a U.S. team that wins something.

  4. The ladies can't putt or chip any better than the rest of us, which is part of their charm, of course.

  5. The ladies play courses that look like fun as opposed to torture.

  6. The ladies present surprises, such as when Lorena Ochoa cold-topped her tee shot into the water on the last hole of the U.S. Women's Open, or when Birdie Kim holed out a mile-long bunker shot to win it.

  7. The only surprise the seniors can present is whether Dana Quigley can win more money than D.A. Weibring.

  8. Finally, the seniors refuse to admit how incredibly lucky they are and that the sports world could get along very well without them.