Call me Ishmael, if you must, but I'll answer quicker to Annual Quiz:
The Ryder Cup won't be any fun this year unless...
(a) Players whine about the money.
(b) At least two flags are flown upside down.
(c) Wives are inside the ropes.
(d) Julie Crenshaw designs the shirts.
What may we expect after Greg Norman posted video of his hip surgery on his Web site?
(a) Arnold Palmer will post video of his prostate surgery.
(b) Jack Nicklaus will post video of his hip replacement.
(c) Colin Montgomerie will post video of his personality transplant.
What happened after Rocco Mediate collapsed in a folding chair at the PGA?
(a) Rocco called a lawyer.
(b) Rocco's agent called a lawyer.
(c) Johnnie Cochran called Rocco.
What was Tiger Woods quoting from when NBC picked up his profanity during the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach?
(b) "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard."
(c) The Sopranos.
What happened after People magazine ranked Casey Martin No. 9 on its list of the Most Eligible Bachelors in America?
(a) More golfers started to limp.
(b) More golfers started to ride carts.
(c) The PGA Tour appealed it.
__ What happened when Graeme Storm became the first player to have his mother caddie for him at the Masters?__
(a) She made him eat every bite on his plate.
(b) She held his hand when he crossed Magnolia Lane.
(c) He undertipped.
When Tiger Woods and his caddie, Steve Williams, touch knuckles after a shot, one of them is saying:
(a) "Good shot."
(b) "Great shot."
(c) "I think we should stop seeing other people."
David Duval continues to play out of ...
When Annika Sorenstam played out of turn and holed a 25-foot chip against Kelly Robbins and Pat Hurst during the Solheim Cup, U.S. captain Pat Bradley said:
(a) "Do that again and I'll claw your eyes out."
(b) "The game of golf is the real winner in these matches."
(c) "Stand back, ladies, while I go for 379th place in the voting for Sportswoman of the Year."
Best prediction for the Ryder Cup at the Belfry:
(a) Jose Maria Olazabal will develop a facial tick every time he looks at Justin Leonard's putter.
(b) Overserved Brits will make belching noises on every American's backswing.
(c) The Europeans will lose all their momentum after Jesper Parnevik turns down the bill of his cap.
(d) Johnny Miller will accidentally compliment a competitor on TV.
Why did Sergio Garcia fire Fanny Sunesson as his caddie just three months after he fired Jerry Higginbotham as his caddie?
(a) He keeps looking for a caddie with a last name he can spell.
(b) He blushed more saying "Fanny" than he did saying "Higgie."
(c) He figured Fanny deserved a chance to caddie for Fred Funk.
__ What did it take for Herb Kohler to persuade the PGA of America to let Whistling Straits play host to the PGA Championship so soon, like in 2004, ahead of four other clubs that were already scheduled? __
(a) A smile.
(b) New plumbing fixtures for Jim Awtrey.
Bob May's personal idol is:
(a) Kenny Perry.
(b) Mike Donald.
(c) Brian Watts.
Best prediction for the Masters this spring:
(a) Encountering putting difficulties, Tiger Woods will win by only 14 strokes.
(b) Driving poorly, Tiger will win by only 19.
(c) Vijay Singh will spend the entire week hopelessly trying to convince people that he actually won it last year.
__ How has Mark O'Meara fared since he captured two majors in 1998? __
(c) A Thing