Who Wants to See a Dead Body?
September 24, 2020

No one has ever taken the life of a Twitter troll like Jeff Passan did on Wednesday night

Twitter is a terrible place. It’s a place where people’s biggest insecurities and power trips collide. It’s a brainstorm session minus the brains and a sounding board for the tonedeaf. If you want to ruin a good day, just take a quick scroll through the timeline before bed. If you don’t find something to crush your will to wake up in the morning, you’re not looking hard enough. But don’t take our word for it, just ask TommyEdmanStan, whose magical day with his son on Wednesday was ruined when he made the mistake of firing up the little blue birdie only to stumble across the some filthy, vile, DISGUSTING language from ESPN MLB Insider Jeff Passan.

Our thoughts are with TommyEdmanStan in these trying times. But not because he had to explain “hell” to his son, who probably hears the same word 10 times every Sunday morning at the local prayer hut, but because of what came next. If y’all don’t want to see a dead body, turn back now.

In the words of one Elaine Benes, we are speechless, we are without speech. Even if this was consensual harassment amongst friends, as some later engagements indicate, this still qualifies as the most ruthless taking of a soul we have ever seen on Twitter (and we have seen more de-soulings than we can count.) This makes the work of Twitter Roast King Max Homa look like VeggieTales and even rivals his colleague Woj simply emailing a U.S. Senator “Fuck you.” It is unquestionably the most extreme use of anti-troll countermeasures we have ever seen and could pave the way for a new bloody epoch of Sports Twitter combat . . . or at the very least we hope so.