Classic of the Genre
July 30, 2020

How many Boston Bruins does it take to make a layup?

Hockey and basketball require two entirely different skill sets. One asks for incredible hand-eye coordination, and the other . . . incredible hand-eye coordination. One demands quickness of motion and thought, and the other . . . quickness of motion and thought. One’s ultimate goal is to put a round object into your opponent’s netted apparatus and the other, well, we think you get the point: On paper, hockey and basketball aren’t actually all that different! Practical application is a totally different story, however, and if you don’t believe us, just watch this video of the Boston Bruins blowing off some steam in the Toronto bubble on Thursday. Viewer discretion is advised.

Somewhere in the great beyond, James Naismith just threw up his lunch.

Granted, we’ve seen actual basketball players commit worse atrocities in live game situations, but you have to respect the Bruins’ commitment to the bit, with not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE professional athletes all bricking a layup in the paint with the cameras rolling. The only thing that’s missing is “Yakety Sax” blasting at 100 decibels. Even Brad Marchand, whose whole brand is licking other dudes faces, was embarrassed by his teammates’ display.

But hey, on the bright side, at least they were all wearing masks. Gotta take the dubyas where you can get ‘em these days.

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