Dustin Johnson discussing his middle-school musical career has rocked our world

The things Dustin Johnson is able to do on a golf course defy science and explanation. His work in the press room is just as transcendent. With sterling brevity and intolerance for the cliche, the No. 1 player in the world has transformed the usual mundane presser into a must-see event. As evidenced by this bombshell reveal on Wednesday at the Memorial.

Johnson was asked if he participated in any non-athletic extracurriculars as a student, one of those media questions that makes the rest of the room roll their eyes. However, the 32-year-old's response was nothing short of celestial.

"Yeah, I did. I took drama," replied Johnson. "But we had to take -- kind of had to take electives. And the drama teacher was cute, so..."

Hold the phone. Dustin Johnson, in musicals? That can't be.

"Sang in the Christmas show and did the Newsies," Johnson elaborated.

This is the type of knowledge that makes one deaf and dumb, like a first-hand experience of a UFO landing. Even as this post is worked up, Johnson just belted a 400-yard plus in the first-round of the Memorial. But that pales in comparison at the thought of DJ doing this:

Our world has been rocked. Alas, don't expect Johnson to belt out tunes on the trophy stand anytime soon.

"No, not a chance," Johnson remarked, regarding public singing. "That's for me when I'm in the car by myself."

Help us, James Corden. You're our only hope.

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