Don't Mess With Texas
October 21, 2020

Would you call this Cowboys fan SHOOTING his TV after Monday’s loss an overreaction?

Listen, sports will break us all at one point or another. They will turn us into blubbery, sulking, rage-monster babies. And it’s usually not even the worst, most crushing losses that do it either. It’s not the 28-3s, the 3-1s, and so on. Those, in our own sick, pessimistic way, we see coming. It’s usually the random midseason weeknighters after a shit day when the refs suck and the team rolls over and dies before you finish your first beer that tend to trigger the full reactor meltdown. We’ve been there and we get it. But NEVER in all our years of cruising Twitter the day after some fanbase’s soulsucking capitulation, have we EVER seen someone straight-up pull out a gun and shoot their TV dead . . . until now.

What say you, America? Overreaction or just Texas?

Obviously that is a rhetorical question. Obviously this is terrifying. Obviously you can’t just go around busting caps in LGs every time the Cowboys lose. There aren’t enough Best Buys on earth to sustain that kind of demand. And if this is the ease with which this guy murders inanimate objects, it’s not going to be long until he graduates to the animate ones. Say what you want about Second Amendment Rights, but this guy is the reason we're asking whether or not we should have them.

Plus, you want to hear the real kicker? THE COWBOYS ARE LEADING THE NFC EAST. Yes, they’re 2-4. Yes, they’re best player just had his leg turned around like the Exorcist girl’s head. But if the season ended today, they would be in the playoffs. Is that really grounds for pulling your piece on a Toshiba? Talk about punishing the messenger.

So please, buddy, we implore you. Next time keep the Glock holstered and take it crying like a man.