White Mamba

Let this video of Brian Scalabrine wasting a high schooler who challenged him to a game of 1v1 be a lesson to all the kids out there

Spoiler Alert: NBA players are good at basketball, even the bad ones. You might think your handles are sick and you have the range of Steph playing against your little idiot friends, but if you ever see a NBA player, current or former, enter the gym, just sit down, shut up, and behave yourself. Don’t believe us? Just ask this poor high schooler, who went viral on Tuesday when footage of him challenging NBA cult hero Brian Scalabrine hit the worldwide web.

Needless to say, if you come at the White Mamba, you best not miss. Apparently the ambitious youth bet the former backup big man a pair of shoes that he could beat him one on one, and Scalabrine proceeded to buff the court with his limp, lifeless body. As the clip shows, Scalabrine dusts off years of accrued NBA dark arts, using his strength to toss this poor kid around like a rag doll, blocking shots, creating space, and flexing his footwork. It’s never even close to a fair fight, and finally Scal calls game from downtown, ending things with a merciful swish. The final score: Mamba 11 - other guy 0.

The lesson here? NBA players are NBA players for a reason. They survive AAU, prep school, the NCAA, G-League, and some dirt court in Latvia not because they’re lucky, but because they’re better at basketball than 95% of their species. You might think they look like microwaved ass on TV, but remember, they’re playing against other players who are also better at basketball than 95% of their species. So mind your manners and make sure to always pick on someone your own size (or preferably a little smaller.) Otherwise, you’re going to end up like this poor soul, posterized on Twitter while the entire world blogs about it.