The Biggest Unit
March 30, 2020

Aroldis Chapman should be expecting a call from the MLB's "random" drug test office any minute now

League Championship Series - Houston Astros v New York Yankees - Game Five

League Championship Series - Houston Astros v New York Yankees - Game Five

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - OCTOBER 18: Aroldis Chapman #54 of the New York Yankees throws a pitch against the Houston Astros during the ninth inning in game five of the American League Championship Series at Yankee Stadium on October 18, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images)

Photo by: Mike Stobe

Mike Stobe

A little over a year ago, the world was introduced to the breathtaking scope of soon-to-be Seattle Seahawks wide receiver DK Metcalf. It was the build up to the NFL Draft, and as everyone poured over milliseconds and millimeters, Metcalf blasted through the load-bearing wall like the Kool-Aid man and brought the whole dang house down.

We never thought we'd see a more absolute unit, but then along came Aroldis Chapman, who posted casual group photo on Instagram this weekend, proving, once and for all, that he is the bar by which all other awe-inspiring lads will from henceforth be measured. Look upon that bicep and weep, humble pilgrims, for you've have looked upon God himself.

It looks like it's finally time for Randy Johnson to give up "The Big Unit." That title now belongs to Chapman, who, at 6' 4" and 212 pounds, somehow makes playing dominoes look like the most terrifying thing on earth.

But while Aroldis' Avengers-like size is a welcome distraction for the baseball-starved mortals of earth at the moment, something tells us the Manfred Marauders won't feel quite the same way. Expect them to be knocking down Chapman's door at any second armed with the largest urine sample container money can buy.