Head Hunter
September 02, 2020

Noted great guy Aroldis Chapman threw a 101-mph fastball at Mike Brosseau’s head last night

Remember that time back in 2016 when Aroldis Chapman allegedly choked his girlfriend, pulled out a handgun, and fired eight shots inside his house (one of which went out a window and struck a field next door, where it could have killed anyone) and then made sure to apologize “only” for the gun part? Remember when the New York Yankees signed him to a five-year, $86-million contract six weeks later? Well if you don’t, perhaps Tuesday night, when Chapman—one of the hardest throwers in MLB history—whizzed a 101-fastball straight at Mike Brosseau’s skull, initiating a benches-clearing brawl in the middle of a highly contagious pandemic, will jog your memory.

Remember kids, if you swing on 3-0, SportsCenter will question the nature of your very being for 12 straight hours, but if you try to turn a division rival into a vegetable, you’re all good. It’s nice to see that even in 2020, baseball can teach America’s youth valuable lessons about life, in this case that shitty guys finish first.

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Needless to say, Rays manager Kevin Cash was hot under the ol’ ballcap about one of his guys nearly getting decapitated while playing a kid’s game for reasons that are best summed up with a big old shrug emoji. Take it away, buddy.

As for Chapman, who knows what will happen. Maybe another suspension followed by another monster contract at a blueblood franchise. That’ll show him. But hey, at least he stepped up and owned it like an adult. Oh wait nevermind . . .