Just Stay Home

Qatar’s World Cup fan villages look like an awesome time for people who enjoy roasting alive in a tin can completely sober for $200 a night

November 09, 2022

You may not realize it because ordinarily this whole thing would have happened FIVE MONTHS AGO, but the 2022 World Cup is upon us. Held smack dab in the middle of the European club soccer season and the holiday stretch run in the States, the Qatar cup is a logistical tire fire at best and a human rights travesty at worst. It was the product of rampant FIFA corruption from the very start. It was moved to the winter because of concerns over the summer heat on the Arabian Peninsula. There have been reports of Qatar virtually enslaving migrant workforces in preparation for the event, leading to countless deaths and a condemnation from Amnesty International. Nobody wants it, and yet here it is all the same.

In recent weeks, the anticipation has slowly built, especially among fans who believe their nation is poised to make a deep run, but it hasn’t stopped the hits from coming. Just take Wednesday for example, when photos of the fan village in Doha went viral, sparking new questions about the world is allowing this charade to continue unchecked.

So what does your $207-a-night tuna can come with? A mini-fridge, air-conditioning, and a bathroom. The Four Season it ain’t. Heck, it isn’t even a Ramada Inn.

Making matters even worse is the fact that alcohol, per Qatar’s strict Islamic policies, is prohibited within the fan village. So if you want to throw back a night cap to help you sleep in your literal hotbox, you’ll have to do so at one of the tournament’s dedicated alcohol areas, which promise to be so damn crowded and sloppy that they’ll make your sheet metal coffin seem luxurious by comparison.

So yeah, let the chaos commence. You couldn’t pay us enough to be there. At this point, you can hardly pay us to watch from home, especially considering the time difference and proximity to holiday travel. This is far from the greatest atrocity at the 2022 World Cup, but it does sum it up in one nice, tidy tin can.