September 30, 2012

Dan Jenkins At The Ryder Cup

Highlights of the "Ancient Twitterer" from the 2012 Ryder Cup at Medinah

Ian Poulter played a pivotal role in Europe's epic Sunday comeback against the U.S.

Ian Poulter played a pivotal role in Europe's epic Sunday comeback against the U.S.

Editor's Note: What does a meltdown of epic proportions look like through the eyes of World Golf Hall of Famer Dan Jenkins? Put it this way: he's not one to sugarcoat. What follows is a sampling of tweets from Jenkins, AKA the "Ancient Twitterer," from a wild week in Chicago.


General observations:

"This is my fifth time at Medinah after two U.S. Opens and two PGAs, and the clubhouse still looks like the Babylon Marriott. "

"Under the old PGA of America rules, Nicklaus didn't play a Ryder Cup until 1969, when he'd won 7 majors. Must have flunked sweater-folding."

"My first Ryder Cup was '75, when it seemed like an exhibition. Maybe because Brian Barnes was smoking a pipe while beating Nicklaus twice."

Related: How the U.S. lost the Ryder Cup

"In '99 at Brookline, George & Barbara Bush came to see me. Tiny, the longtime guard at the media center, had to be convinced to let them in."

"My first Ryder Cup (1975), there were maybe 30 writers. This year, at any moment there are that many waiting in the cookie line."

"Got to wonder about the U.S. home-field advantage in the Ryder Cup. Americans are 5-3 at home since '79, barely winning in '83, '91 and '99."

"I'm told the U.S. team outweighs the Euros by more than 10 pounds per man (184 and change to 174), so I like America in an all-you-can-eat."

On the opening ceremony:

"Nine national anthems for the opening ceremony, which might go longer than some matches. The Spanish anthem goes extra holes by itself."

Jordin Sparks

"Olazabal doing his best after the Opening Ceremony went 6 down after the first six holes."


General observations:

"Still trying to figure out the color of the European sweaters. Looks like they were going for lime and didn't quite make it."

"Keegan Bradley's pre-shot routine? He kind of looks like the kid at the pool who's not quite ready to go off the high board the first time."

"Idle thought: The U.S. team's blue pants with the horizontal and vertical stripes? I've got pajamas like that."

"When Davis gets back to the hotel he's going to have 11 guys saying,'I want to play with Keegan.' But Phil can say, 'I found him first.'"

"The biggest momentum-changer at majors? It's usually when the press' lunchroom switches over to the afternoon snack."

"Practical joke for Davis tonight: Pull Phil aside, tell him you have a hunch, and you're pairing him with Tiger twice tomorrow."

On Tiger Woods' strugges off the tee:

"After all the spectators Tiger has hit this week, he's going out this afternoon with a caddie, a nurse and an ambulance."

"Hearing reports that Tiger had some problem hitting his mouth with fries at lunch. Some went left, and some went way right."

"New TV ad: Fans hold signed glove & repeat, 'I've been hit by Tiger Woods...I've been hit by Tiger Woods...I'VE been hit by Tiger Woods.'"

"One theory why Tiger didn't sit after the erratic display this morning: Maybe one of those stray drives hit Davis in the head."

On the incredible Ryder Cup debut of Nicolas Colsaerts:

"Nicolas Colsaerts is even with Tiger and Stricker, making four birdies in seven holes. All while carrying Lee Westwood's carcass."

"Colsaerts has 5 birdies to lead Tiger & Stricker, 1 up, and just hit it close at the par-5 10th. Westwood? He's bringing around the cart."

Nicolas Colsaerts

"Colsaerts has 5 birdies and an eagle trying to play Tiger & Stricker by himself. Lee Westwood? He's doing the Times crossword in record time."

"Colsaerts with sixth birdie (plus an eagle) to go 2 up on Tiger and Stricker after 13. Asks Westwood to 'get me a sandwich or something.'"

Dave Kindred: Europe gets a little help from above

"Colsaerts with his seventh birdie (plus an eagle) trying to stave off Tiger/Stricker by himself. Asks Westwood to quit playing in the pool."

"Colsaerts just did to Tiger what Tiger used to do to other people."

"Don't see this every day: Colsaerts, trying to play Tiger & Stricker by himself, is giving Westwood mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."


General observations:

"Davis Love is the first captain to sit Tiger down in a Ryder Cup. But he might not be the last."

"Westwood and Donald 5 down at the turn to Phil and Keegan. Westy searching for a good spot in the stands to watch the rest of this one."

"Keegan's facial expressions look like he's just been told that mouthful of calamari is squid."

"Signs for fans in Tiger's gallery: 'You are now entering a hardhat area.'"

"If Europe doesn't rally here in a hurry, it's gonna be hard to get viewers away from the"NFL Welcomes Back the Zebras"special on Sunday."

"I am so happy for ME, Sergio! I might even jump into the arms of my partner, Luke, for that in your FACE to my good friend Tiger!"

"Good thing Tiger & Stricker are comfortable as partners. Imagine what going 0-3 would be like if you didn't really, really like each other."

Related: Sunday's winners and losers from Medinah

"Somebody get a wheelbarrow to 18 tee to carry Ian Poulter's brass."

On Keegan Bradley and Phil Mickelson resting:

"Advice for Davis: No need to rest Phil and Keegan this afternoon. Looks like they're not going to work a full shift this morning."

"Bradley/Mickelson sounds like a radio drive-time show: Phil & Keegan in the Morning. Should also be Phil & Keegan in the Afternoon."

Keegan Bradley

"It's official: No Phil & Keegan this afternoon. Davis is going to end up looking like a very smart guy . . . or a moron."

"So to recap: Davis is benching a 3-0 team (Phil & Keegan) and is trying again with an 0-2 team (Tiger & Stricker)."

"At this rate, Phil & Keegan could be at the hotel having tea & cookies, getting pedicures & planning practical jokes for the team dinner."

Summing up the day:

"Five straight birdies produce a Poulter-powered point. If Europe still has life left, it's because of him."

"Meanwhile, Phil & Keegan are tanned, rested & ready, lounging in their monogrammed robes, eating grapes & waiting for Sunday's call to duty."


General observations:

"Breaking news: Lee Westwood was just informed that he has to play singles with no help from a partner."

"Watching Keegan's pre-shot routine is like watching the starters trying to get a nervous 3-year-old into the gate at the Kentucky Derby."

"Jason Dufner has got his Raymond Floyd impression down cold."

"The commercials have come out strong and have taken a 4-up lead through eight holes."

"The Europeans front-loaded their lineup with their top players. NBC and the PGA front-loaded their lineup with commercials."

"Discouraged TV viewers, acknowledging the inevitable, concede to the commercials, 5 & 4."

"If Seve were still here, he wouldn't have conceded that putt to Zach."

On Rory McIlroy's late arrival:

"So Rory was running late because he didn't know the difference between Central and Eastern time? That's an excuse I never thought to use."

"Next in Golf Digest: How to Prepare for Your Round When You're Running a Little Late."

"Rory whispering to European assistants: 'A pot of coffee, toast, and one of those cherry Pop-Tarts.'"

"The only thing that would have made Rory's late entrance better: if his cop-car escort had been driven by Jake and Elwood Blues."

Related: How the Ryder Cup unfolded on TV and Twitter

"Rory beats Keegan, 2 & 1. As they say, the early bird gets the worm, and the guy who arrives 10 minutes before his tee time gets the point."

On the American collapse:

"Good thing Keegan & Phil sat out yesterday so they were rested and ready for today."

"If this is the back nine on Sunday afternoon in 2012, then this must be Jim Furyk jumping again without a parachute."

Steve Stricker

"The Americans have gone from celebrating to begging."

"The 17th hole: Where America's hopes went to die."

"Nice read." (In reaction to Steve Stricker's birdie attempt on No. 18 missing wide left by eight feet)

Final thoughts:

"What a buzzkill this would have been if Rory had taken another 11 minutes to get here."

"Key moments Sat/Sun: Phil/Keegan sit a bit; Poulter gives a glimmer; Rory is late but great; Rose is a rose; Furyk flails; Kaymer is Klutch."