By Dan Jenkins
Photo By Jim Moriarty
June 1997
Please don't bother me while I'm writing this TV com- mercial for Tiger Woods, which will be sponsored by his agent, ITG—Interna- tional Tiger Group—and some of his new companies: Time Woods Inc., Woods Fifth Avenue, Merrill Woods Lynch, Diet Tiger, and Disney Woods. Fade in Nick Faldo, bent over and battered: "I'm not Tiger Woods."
Fade in Freddie Couples, thin and wan:
"I'm not Tiger Woods."
Fade in Tom Lehman, haggard and short of breath:
"I'm not Tiger Woods."
Fade in Greg Norman, old and lifeless:
"I'm not Tiger Woods—but I'm putting '97 behind me just like I put '96 behind me."
As you no doubt know by now, Tiger Woods' overwhelming perfor- mance in the Masters this April made it the tournament that changed golf forever, changed golf-course design forever, and may have changed soci- ety forever.
So the main question that begs to be answered, after watching him re- duce everyone else in the game to a bit player, if not set decoration, is what can be done to stop him, or at least slow him down before he makes some of us forget that we ever saw Ben Hogan, Byron Nelson, Sam Snead, Arnold Palmer and Jack Nick- laus swing a club?
Fortunately, I've given it consider- able thought—much more time than it took the Masters field to give up— and I hereby present 10 Steps to Stop or Slow Down Tiger Woods:
(1) Make him wear Harry Vardon's tweed suit.
(2) Make him wear Greg Nor- man's planter's hat.
(3) Make him read a David Lead- better instruction article.
(4) Make him use Phil Mickelson's clubs.
(5) Make him play the gutty.
(6) Make him wear Tom Kite's glasses.
(7) Make him read every word of the new Jack Nicklaus autobiography.
(8) Make him go to dinner with Mark Rolfing.
(9) Make him attend the annual golf writers' dinner.
(10) Make him get married and have to go to Ace Hardware a lot.
The fact of the matter is no golfer has ever come on the scene with more shots in the bag than Tiger, plus remarkable length. Hogan, Nelson, Snead, they had all the shots, they had style and they had grace, but they didn't have his distance, either off the tee or with the irons.
As the kid destroyed the Augusta National in those middle 45 holes, the stretch of 30-66-65 that removed any shred of suspense, other than whether he would fall through a trap- door, I was struck by the contrast in how he played the course and how Hogan used to play it.
Fasten your seat belt while I take you through a normal round.
No. 1, 400-yard par 4: Driver, 6-iron for Hogan. Driver, pitching wedge for Tiger.
No. 2, 555-yard par 5: Driver, 2-iron to front bunker, sand shot for Hogan. Driver, 8-iron for Tiger.
No. 3, 360-yard par 4: 3-wood, 7-iron for Hogan. Driver, 15-yard chip for Tiger.
No. 4, 205-yard par 3: Three- quarter 4-wood for Hogan. Six-iron for Tiger.
No. 5, 435-yard par 4: Driver, 3-iron bounce-in for Hogan. Driver, pitching wedge for Tiger.
No. 6, 180-yard par 3: Six-iron for Hogan. Nine-iron for Tiger.
No. 7, 360-yard par 4: Driver, 8-iron for Hogan. Two-iron, pitching wedge for Tiger.
No. 8, 535-yard par 5 (uphill): Driver, spoon, wedge for Hogan. Driver, 2-iron for Tiger.
No. 9, 435-yard par 4: Driver, 7-iron for Hogan. Three-wood, pitch- ing wedge for Tiger.
No. 10, 485-yard par 4: Driver, high 4-wood for Hogan. Two-iron, 8-iron for Tiger.
No. 11, 455-yard par 4 (with wa- ter left): Driver, 4-iron for Hogan. Driver, pitching wedge for Tiger.
No. 12, 155-yard par 3 (with Rae's Creek in front): Seven-iron for Hogan. Pitching wedge for Tiger.
No. 13, 485-yard par 5: Driver, 3-iron lay up, pitching wedge for Hogan. Driver, 8-iron for Tiger.
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