Apparently, lots of guys swear, spit, throw clubs and pee on the golf course when we ladies aren’t around. These are the behaviors most men cited when answering the following question, which Golf Digest asked via Facebook and Twitter: “Guys, how do you behave differently when you play golf with a woman?”
Stewart Kumar, for example, tweeted, “I swear less and suck in my gut. Maybe that's why I'm winded by the turn.” As painful as it might be, Stew, keep on sucking in that gut.
Maurice Poe, also on Twitter, says, “I spit less and uh, make sure to take proper advantage of on course bathrooms.” Good move, Maurice. I speak on behalf of all women when I say that spitting is a universally unattractive habit.
Robert Kneisley tweeted, “I don't piss behind every tree and throw my clubs away from the ladies tees!” Thanks, Robby. The big trees located far away from the tee box are fair game. (In fact, I’m jealous you guys can get away with relieving yourselves on the golf course.) But that small bush 10 feet from the fairway? Not fair game. Ever.
Also, while I appreciate the fact that guys like Rob avoid throwing clubs towards the forward tees, please refrain from throwing clubs at all, even when you’re playing with the guys (or by yourself). I don't think it's ever an acceptable behavior. You’re on a golf course. You’re not allowed to complain.
Chris McNeal makes dramatic changes when he plays with women. “No 3-woods -- all drivers; talk more; attempt to cut more doglegs and aim at sucker pins.” He really puts on a show! When Golf Digest asked him if these adjustments help or hurt him, he said, “As well as anyone could be expected to play when swinging too hard. Mostly worse, but when it works it's awesome!” Tone it down, Chris. Most gals won’t notice those 10 extra yards off the tee. They will notice, however, how much time they spent helping you look for your ball.
Mike Lyon, via Facebook, says, “Make sure my tee shot gets past the ladies tee.” Mike, if reaching the forward tee box is a serious concern, do yourself (and your playing partners) a favor and move up a set of tees. Trust me, you won’t be giving up your man card by doing so.
My wish before today was for the men I play with to behave exactly as they always do. After all, knowing that I might be inhibiting a guy from being who he is makes me uneasy. But now that I know what most of you hooligans do when you’re among men, I welcome these minor behavioral adjustments.
Oh, and to those of you who said, “I don’t behave differently,” I don’t believe you.