Post-round interviews have a tendency to get mechanical, mostly number-speak of yardages and club selection. Every now and then a few gems surface from the mentally exhausted players. Here are a few from player interviews at the Masters this past week.

Boo Weekley, asked how he spent his time during the rain delay, answers "Nothing, just sat over there on No. 6 or right behind No. 5 green there. They've got a bathroom there, and we sat right there and went and got some crackers and some water." The reporter follows up, "Did you guys talk about anything?" Weekley says, "No, I sat out in the rain with an umbrella."

Zach Johnson, after his Saturday round, was asked to comment about "you know who" making his seemingly inevitable move up the leader board. At the time, Tiger Woods was on the course and on his way to a 68. Johnson replies, "Romero?"

A reporter says to Brandt Snedeker, "You told us you play fast, your tempo is fast, you speak quickly. Do you do anything slowly?" Snedeker says, "I probably think slowly. I'm not the fastest thinker in the world. That would probably be the only thing. I can't think of anything that I really do slowly."

The blooper here is on the reporter. The question to Raymond Floyd is, "When you play with a kid like Drew Weaver, an amateur here for the first time, do you kind of give him advice, do you talk to him or does he ask for that?" Raymond Floyd answers, curtly, "No. You're playing golf, you can't give advice. He and his caddie are the only people that can do that. It breaks the rules if you say anything."

Trevor Immelman, asked if he just pulls up his shirt to show the scar from the operation to remove a tumor from his diaphragm. "Yeah, for sure. Public indecency."

--Max Adler

My Top 5 Comments from the Masters on Saturday . . .

5. Lee Westwood backs away from his approach at the ninth hole as a jet rumbles overhead. After it passes a spectator says, "That must be Freddie (Couples) going home."

4. A patron joshing his newcomer friend as to why the concessions stop serving beer at 4 p.m. "You've got to behave here at the National. I heard they once caught a guy fishing in Rae's Creek and they shot him."

3. A youngster of about nine or 10 years old taking stock of the professionals' golf clubs at the driving range. "See how clean and perfect their irons are, dad? They're not like yours."

2. Steve Flesch prepares to hit a shot from near the ropes as his caddie tells spectators, "Will you please be quiet, please?" (The title, verbatim, of a 1976 Raymond Carver collection of short stories. Was the caddie aware of the literary reference? Probably not, but you never know.)

1. Two hours after play resumed, a man slips while walking down the steep, heavily trafficked path alongside the 10th fairway. As he gets up and assesses the mud on his calf and khaki shorts, he mutters, "That there?s some sloppy pudding."

--Max Adler

My Top 5 Comments from the Masters on Friday . . . 

5. Tennis star Venus Williams is holding hands with her boyfriend Hank Kuehne as his brother Trip Kuehne putts out on the 18th green. Asked if she's enjoying her first visit to Augusta National, Venus replies, "Yes, but I'm not doing interviews."

4. At the 13th hole, a concerned wife is lamenting her husband's failure to apply sunscreen. "Oh honey, the back of your neck. It's the color of that Sabbatini fellow's pants."

3. At the par-5 eighth fairway, the caddie for Anders Hansen is told by a spectator that he's pacing off yardage for the wrong ball. "Guess I'm not doing a very good job, am I? Well, you can tell Jerry (Kelly) he has 260 yards to the middle."

2. A patron beside the tee at the par-3 fourth is chatting with a friend. "Do you think this is the hardest sporting event in the world to get tickets?" he asks. An eavesdropper in front of them says, "Not for me. My neighbor got sick and gave me his ticket. I told him I'd buy him a hat or something."

1. A member of the media commenting on the complimentary egg salad sandwiches in the press room. "These seem thinner than last year."

--Max Adler

AUGUSTA, Ga. -- Defending champion Zach Johnson noted that the opening-day hole locations were borderline Sunday pins that you really had to pay attention to with your approach shots. Based on some of the morning scores Friday, the second round is going to be a different story.

Trevor Immelman just completed his second consecutive 68, and the South African has the lead at eight under par. Left-hander Steve Flesch shot a five-under 67 and is tied for second with Brandt Snedeker at -5.

A difficult two-club wind has kicked up this afternoon, and it's making the fairways a little drier and a whole lot faster. That will both shorten the course and cut down on the number of unlucky mud-coated balls, of which there were a few yesterday. Said Johnson of playing partner Luke Donald, "Luke had a great tee shot on 10 and half his ball was coated in mud."

But today, when a relatively short hitter like Flesch can a 67, that's a clue that more hot rounds are on the way. When TV coverage begins at 4 p.m. EDT today, watch for kick-in birdies at the uphill, 570-yard par-5 eighth. Though generally unreachable in two, the hole location is cut smack in the middle of the green. Seven of the first eight players to come through made birdie, so maybe Friday at the Masters could make moving day come a day early.

--Max Adler

My Top 5 comments overheard while walking Augusta National on Thursday . . .

1. The weather is perfect and the birds are chirping. An elderly man from the gallery tugs the sleeve of an official and asks, "Are they playing lift, clean and place?"

2. Fuzzy Zoeller three-putts the first green from 18 feet. As he watches the first putt slither five feet past the cup, he drawls, "Oh my Lawd."

3. At 11:27 a.m., Ben Curtis putts from the fringe of the 11th green. A fan sitting in a choice front-row seat of the Amen Corner grandstand remarks, "That's the first golf shot I've seen today. And I've been here since 8 this morning."

4. On the practice putting green, Bubba Watson and Aaron Baddeley trade laughs because they're both wearing lime green pants with a white shirt. Their caddies are both in the classic Augusta National white jumpsuits, and one caddie says to the other "Hey, I like your look, too."

5. Ben Crenshaw makes a routine par and as he's walking to the next tee a fan says, "Nice going Ben," then turns to his buddy and says, "I just want Ben to know I still care."

--Max Adler

Auction hammers are falling in the Home of Golf. Last month in St. Andrews, Scotland, a public toilet that formerly charged 20 pence per admission sold for £195,000 in an impromptu bidding war that involved 15 interested buyers. (Americans, those figures translate to roughly 40 cents and $396,000). The 662 square-foot stone structure had an original guide price of £50,000, and was described by the sellers as "being in need of extensive renovation."

According to the BBC, the mysterious buyer hails from western Scotland and plans to convert the property into a home. He best give the floor a thorough mopping before installing any carpet. There are certain scents even the strongest Scottish gales cannot blow away.

To put the value of location in perspective, consider that a similar public toilet structure in the neighboring town of Kirkcaldy recently fetched only £38,000 at auction.

Why would anyone wish to sleep where so many have, ahem, sat? With official St. Andrews residency, the mysterious developer will be able to play the Old Course, as well the six other Links Trust gems (including the upcoming Castle Course) all year for about what it costs a tourist to play a single round. As long as he stows his golf bag under his bed, 662 square feet should suffice.

-- Max Adler