DEAR LUMPY: Do you collect autographs from fellow players? I would.— John
DEAR JOHN: While I don't collect autographs, I do have an extensive collection of divots I've saved from players over the years. To this day, I always carry a couple Ziploc® freezer size bags in my bag just in case.
DEAR LUMPY: I am Prince Fayed W. Bolkiah, the eldest son of Prince Jeffrey Bolkiah former president of Brunei, the tiny oil-rich sultanate on the Gulf Island of Borneo. I reach to you this day, to seek help and assistance with my familys royal fortune.
In confidance to you, I transfered the sum of US$90,000,000 (Ninety million united states dollars) to several protected accounts. The money where splited and kept in the following countries, : in Canada, France, Nigeria, Spain, Holland and in London. Firstly, you will be required to travel to Nigeria to claim the money there before prceeding to other countries. Your travel and first class accompaniment will be paid. Mr. Lumpy, I seek your good assistance and trust you entirely.
During this dispensation Please I count on your absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while looking forward to your prompt reply towards a swift conclusion of this transaction. Many thanks and blessing remains with you.
Finally, your financial compensation will be the 15% of the total cash. That is 15% of (u.s $90,000,000.00).
Thanks. Prince Fayed.W. Bolkiah.DEAR FAYED (Is it OK if I call you that?): Wow, talk about perfect timing! Turns out, I'll be in Nigeria in late October. You see, I've been commissioned by Suleman Bello, the Prince of Lagos to oversee the development of his new championship, nine-hole, par 3 course "The Lagos Links." He reached out to me via my Hotmail account in mid-May with an offer that sounds pretty darn amazing! I paid for the construction of the first three greens ($100,000 deposited into his account), and in turn I get a 51% ownership of the course, naming rights to the bar/restaurant (I'm thinking Lumpy's Lagos Lounge) and unlimited use of the driving range. Thanks for the email and the trust you have in me. I'm excited (and honored) to help you!