What Tour Players Really Think

Our wide-ranging survey of the game's elite reveals what they'll say when promised anonymity

Illustrations By John Ueland

March 2009

WHO'S THE BEST JOKE-TELLER ON TOUR?
Todd Hamilton: 17%
Steve Elkington: 13%
Harrison Frazar: 8%
Neal Lancaster: 8%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Paul Azinger, Rich Beem, Tim Clark, Carlos Franco, Paul Goydos, Peter Jacobsen, Peter Lonard, Nick Price, Chris Riley, Boo Weekley

WHO'S THE BEST ATHLETE ON TOUR?
Tiger Woods: 50%
Will MacKenzie:12%
James Driscoll: 8%
"I am!": 8%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Brad Faxon ("before the knee injury"), Anthony Kim, Neal Lancaster, Camilo Villegas

WHO'S THE BEST CADDIE ON TOUR?
"Mine": 46%
Steve Williams (Tiger Woods: 15%
Jim (Bones) Mackay (Phil Mickelson): 12%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Tony Navarro (Adam Scott), Fred Sanders (Kenny Perry), Brett Waldman (Ben Crane). Comment "Ain't found him yet."

INCLUDING THE YEARS YOU WERE GROWING UP, DID YOU EVER ASK FOR AN ATHLETE'S AUTOGRAPH?
Yes: 78%
No: 22%
COMMENTS: "Only one: Byron Nelson." ... "If I ever did, it's in the trash now." ... Among the autographs tour players remember getting: Johnny Bench, Larry Bird, Ron Cey, Fred Couples, Jack Nicklaus, Pete Rose, Tom Watson.

WHO'S THE BRIGHTEST GUY ON TOUR?
Joe Ogilvie: 50%
Paul Goydos: 13%
Tiger Woods: 13%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Padraig Harrington, Greg Norman, Chris Riley, Kirk Triplett

MCCAIN OR OBAMA?
McCain: 71%
Obama: 29%
(ASKED PRIOR TO THE NOV. 4 ELECTION)

WHO HAS THE WORST TEMPER ON TOUR?
Pat Perez: 28%
Woody Austin: 24%
Steve Flesch: 12%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Mark Calcavecchia, J.J. Henry, J.B. Holmes, Kent Jones, Frank Lickliter, John Merrick, Kevin Na, Arron Oberholser, Jin Park, Kevin Stadler

WHICH PLAYER OVERACHIEVED MOST IN THE MARRIAGE DEPARTMENT?
Jim Furyk: 17%
Phil Mickelson: 13%
"All of us!": 13%
Eric Axley: 8%
Parker McLachlin: 8%
Tiger Woods: 8%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Stephen Ames, Aaron Baddeley, Mark Calcavecchia, Bob Estes, Steve Lowery, John Rollins
COMMENTS: "The greatest overachiever is Dean Wilson, and all the women he blows through." ... "Furyk might be married to Joe the Plumber's sister if he weren't a professional golfer." ..."Tiger? He has nothing going for him, and he got that girl?"