July 22, 2007
CARNOUSTIE, Scotland -- Pity those who thought I'd cleared all the venom from my throat while ragging on Great Britain earlier this week. My bags and I did make it to Scotland safely, although that 3,500-mile carry over the water hazard can prove much tougher on a man's luggage than on the passenger himself. Europe's 24 largest airlines lost more than 5.6 million checked items in 2006. No carrier misplaced more personal belongings than British Airways, which ranked last on the Euro Tour in bags in regulation.
That's why I take a set of backup clubs overseas. You can have my toiletries, my socks, my lined cashmere sweater, but the big three-day Member/Guest at the L'il Brown Dog begins right after I get back from the British Open, and I'm not heading into battle with a collection of scraps from my garage. The first string stays home.
In other words, I am left to traverse perhaps the world's finest golf terrain with 14 strangers because the Brits have refined the art of making loaded Club Gloves disappear over the Atlantic. This bothers me. My self-imposed equipment compromise, however silly or paranoid, is costing me at least three strokes per round, and all because of airline incompetence. My substitute driver has been known to misbehave in calm conditions. In a hefty crosswind, it acts up more often than a 14-year-old boy on a Ritalin hangover.
Still, I can hit it sideways in any country. It's my starting putter that I miss so dearly -- it's like spending a couple of nights at Aunt Betty's without my regular toothbrush. In fact, the only time all week when I haven't yearned for my trusty Two-Ball came Saturday morning at the par-3 third. The sign said 212 yards, but the zephyr in our face said it was more like 240.
I pulled out some 17-degree hybrid I'd forgotten I ever owned and roasted a better-than-sex laser at a back-right pin, chalking up the fifth ace of my otherwise desperate little life. Go ahead, fellas, have a drink on me. I'm sending the check to British Airways.
Columns by The Angry Golfer -- a.k.a. Golf World columnist John Hawkins -- appear exclusively on GolfDigest.com. We're pretty sure he's angry about that, too.- Text Size:
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