GOUGE: There's nothing more fun than stirring the pot. I don't exactly think that's what Reed Exhibitions was doing when they put together the floor plan for the 2009 PGA Merchandise Show. But the pot was a veritable whirlpool at the end of January after the inhabitants of Booth 1331 peered across the aisle at the inhabitants of Booth 1352. That's right, the floor plan at this year's just-concluded PGA Merchandise Show had Callaway and Titleist just a decent birdie putt, each occupying booth space just under 10,000 square feet.

Only an aisle separated the two companies embroiled in a patent infringement lawsuit over Titleist's Pro V1 ball, a lawsuit in which the courts have clearly favored Callaway's side of the case. Sadly, there was no sabotaging of displays or food fights. Not even golf balls hurled grenade style from one display booth to the next. Of course, like you have said before, this whole incident will have not a scintilla of impact on the marketplace because the old Pro V1 is giving way to the new one which debuted at the show. And no one will ever be the wiser. Unless, of course, Callaway continues to hammer its case (they have to, the thing's still on appeal), demands restitution on the order of several hundred million dollars (entirely possible), and opts to continue running attack ads that make the Swiftboaters look like the Higglytown Heroes (I'm all for it). Push the buttons until someone decides to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Better make sure you're holding all the cards before you do, though. But then that's not going to happen, is it?

Golf is such an environment of civility always. Nothing two-faced or underhanded ever. Never a secret deal, no, not in golf, right, my true, honest and trustworthy comrade in arms.

BOMB: Such proximity of Titleist and Callaway brings me back to the salad days of the PGA Show when mega-booths from mega-companies jockeyed for attention, including the infamous TaylorMade-Cobra battle of several years ago when the show-floor neighbors took turns upping the volume (and the number of floors on their booths, eventually reaching triple-decker status) on their respective videos in a game of "can you top this" that was both comical and ear-splitting. The din eventually became such the folks at the PGA of America finally had to step in like referees and insist on a lowering of the sound, sending both companies back to their corners.

Unlike you, my conspiracy-theorist friend, I do not believe the floor plan was made with anything other than convenience in mind. Still, given the ads Callaway has run, more than a few dirty looks were shot across the aisle the last few days. As for the effectiveness of Callaway's ads, I'm not so sure. My e-mail inbox has had not fewer than a half-dozen notes from readers essentially calling Callaway hypocrites in its "we play by the rules" posturing, pointing out quickly this is the same company that brought out the nonconforming ERC II driver and then had none other than Arnold Palmer tout that it was OK to use a nonconforming club in "recreational" rounds.

Of course, those e-mails may have come from Titleist loyalists.