Ever hear that a caddie has only three jobs--show up, keep up and shut up? It's an adage that warms The Hungover Caddie's heart, and often comes to mind on evenings when I'm knocking the neck off a handle of brown water. I have no problem with those who prefer a caddie to be quiet, but I have little patience for the same golfer who gets outraged when he can't understand basic signals. Whether I'm standing 200 yards ahead as you tee off, or at your side as you dump your third shot in the water, there's a special unspoken language that enables us to proceed like Yoda and Luke. Learn it. The most common signals are below, but you and your caddie can create your own for situations especially important to you. Now, if only there were some gesture to let people know what I think of them when I overhear the "only three jobs" comment.