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All the stories about Tiger Woods these days are the same. Here's the template

By Sam Weinman

Have you noticed the series of stories in recent years quoting some golf authority about Tiger Woods' on-course struggles? We have. What we've also noticed is that many of these stories follow a similar template. Like this:

Tiger Woods used to be really good but now he isn't as good, a  ___________ (A. disgruntled former employee / B. crusty old player / C. random guy in my foursome) said on Tuesday.

In _____________ (A. an exclusive interview / B. series of misspelled tweets / C. rant while waiting for the third green to clear ), __________ said Woods  _________ (A. has lost his intimidation factor / B. doesn't practice as hard as he used to / C. "looks beatable if I got four a side. Maybe even three if my brother-in-law lent me his new driver. ")

"He used to be ______________ (hyperbolic statement about Woods making every putt) but now he _____________ (hyperbolic statement about how he can't get the ball airborne)," he said.

blog-tiger-template-480.jpgFor Woods, ____________ said, the problems began when he ______________ (A. was exposed as a serial philanderer / B. stopped shooting lower scores than other players / C. "coughed up the PGA to that Yang fellow a few years back. What happened to that guy?").

"What's clear is that he needs to go back to ___________ (A. "Butch" / B. "Hank" / C. "wearing mock turtlenecks.").

On the subject of whether Woods would catch Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 majors,  ____________   said  Tiger _____________ (A. "just needs that next one to get over the hump / B. "has no chance. Like none. Seriously, stop talking about this." / C. "needs to win  four more, right? I just did the math in my head."

Woods' health has also been a recurring subject.

"The fact that he's been injured a lot proves  he _________  ( A. "has worked out too hard" / B. "hasn't worked out enough / C. "should try power yoga. It's done wonders for my glutes.").

Despite that, ______________ said Woods is still the runaway favorite to win the Masters.


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